


It Hurts ~ Larry Stylinson

by Flyingthrulife



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, Larry Stylinson - Fandom, Louis Tomlinson - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Tourette's Syndrome, enjoy, idk how to tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 07:04:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14971667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flyingthrulife/pseuds/Flyingthrulife
Summary: Louis William Tomlinson. An 18 year old boy living with Tourette syndrome-a neurological disorder characterized by involuntary tics and vocalizations and often the compulsive utterance of obscenities."I didn't want to tell you that I was hurting, Mom. I didn't want you to worry about me.."Harry Edward Styles. A 20 year old man who's offered to look after Louis while his parents went on a 4 week work trip."Don't worry Mrs. And Mr. Tomlinson. I've got him."Warning: This book does mention Tourette's in all chapters, as it is the main subject. I advise that if you DO have Tourette's, read at your own caution. Mentions of the Tic's could trigger you. Please, read carefully.Disclaimers: I am not making fun of Tourette Syndrome nor do I have this. I'm only making a story about it and using my small amount of knowledge into this book to show the day by day of this serious condition. Also I do not own One Direction nor did I discover this disorder.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This book does mention Tourette's in all chapters, as it is the main subject. I advise that if you DO have Tourette's, read at your own caution. Mentions of the Tic's could trigger you. Please, read carefully.

I was only 5 years old when I suddenly had an urge to click my tongue against the roof of my mouth. I was sitting in daycare playing with the toy dinosaurs along with two other boys and a girl. 

I didn't want to click my tongue but it just happened. With each click the two boys and the girl in front of me had suddenly got annoyed and looked angry. "Will you stop?" The girl asked as she put her toy dinosaur in the bin. I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. 

"Stop it!" She screeched causing a middle aged woman named Stacy to hurry over with a worried expression.

"What happened?" She asked just as I finally stopped clicking my tongue. The two boys giggled at me and got up, going to the toy trains. 

"Louis wouldn't stop doing this!" She then proceeded to click her tongue loud and obnoxiously. 

"I couldn't help it!" I exclaimed with eyes. "It just happened!" 

"Louis, apologies." The woman said.

"But—!" 

"Louis." She said in a stern voice.

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled, slumping back in defeat.

"For?" The little girl pushed.

I glared at her. "For clicking my tongue." I said through gritted teeth. The little girl smiled then skipped off to the Barbie set in the corner of the room where other girls were playing. 

Tears began to form in my eyes, because I knew I was in trouble but I had no idea why. I couldn't control what just happened. It was an urge. What could I have done? 

The constant clicking of my tongue had kept up for two weeks. My tongue eventually had blistered up and started to bleed and the roof of my mouth was bruised up and sore.

My mom and dad had no idea what was wrong with me and they would constantly yell at me, telling me to stop. They thought I was just trying to push them until they'd snapped. My parents knew something was wrong when I would cry to them in the middle of the night, my mouth bleeding. They took me to the doctors and explained to them what had been happening.

The doctor had checked up on me and that's when a second urge happened. I snapped my head back, hitting the wall with the back of my head. It hurt, badly but I didn't stop. The doctor and my parents rushed to me, telling me to stop. I continued until the urge was gone and fulfilled. I hadn’t noticed that the doctor had his hand on the back of my head, protecting me from the harsh blows from the wall. Tears were streaming down my face and the back of my head was bleeding. 

"Louis, I need to ask you something. Why did you do that?" The doctor asked curiously. My parents stood behind the doctor in horror. 

I shook my head, "I dunno... I just- I felt like I needed to." I stuttered out as my head began to throb. The doctor nodded and sighed, sadly. 

After the doctor stopped the bleeding on my head he went outside the room to gather some things. My parents were sat in the chairs that were in the room, my mom biting at her nails and my dad trying to calm her down. "Mommy? Daddy? What's wrong with me?" I asked quietly, my bottom lip shook as tears filled my eyes.

"Oh baby.." My mom cooed standing up and walking over to me, wrapping her arms around my small body and pulling me into a hug. I let out a small cry, because I knew I was different now. I knew that I wasn't a normal 5 year old. 

Ten minutes later the doctor came in and stared at my parents, a clipboard in his hands. "Your son, Louis, has been diagnosed with this common condition. It's called Tourette Syndrome which is a neurological disorder characterized by involuntary tics and vocalizations and often the compulsive utterance of obscenities. Louis will have certain tics, or urges, to do types of things that may come off as rude or disrespectful. Right now, he has two. He clicks his tongue and throws his head back. There are many more that he could develop over the years. I will give you your medication for painkillers and medicine for the blisters in his mouth." The doctor said before turning to his desk and writing a note. "You're prescriptions will be here by tomorrow morning." He said.

At age 7, I was pushed around and teased by kids at my school and even by some of my parents rude friends. Sometimes, I would come home crying because I was exhausted or sad or sometimes both. The only time my Tics would go away was when I was asleep. 

At age 10, I had gained another Tic. I would shake his head, letting my hair move around. Some kids at school got annoyed of me repeatedly shaking my head so at the playground they would pull my hair, sometimes pulling out some hair and telling me to stop. 

At age 13, I had my first friend. His name was Niall. He moved from Ireland to England which must've been a long trip. I told Niall about my condition but he didn't seem to care that much. "Don't worry, Lou. If anyone tries to hurt you again, I'll protect you." The blue eyed, Irish boy said with a toothy grin. I smiled a genuine smile then threw my head back a couple times.

At age 15, Niall and I had become inseparable. Nobody messed with me anymore because last time, somebody ended up with a broken arm and a punctured ball. I had developed another Tic, I would roll my eyes when I blinked. My eyes were always sore and I would be tired right after. I would even start to cry because of how bad it hurt. 

At age 17, I had locked myself in my bedroom, sobbing. I never wanted to come out as I yelled at myself, calling myself a freak. My parents bangs at the door were drowned out by the yelling and screaming coming from me. I eventually had slid down a wall, crying in my hands until I began to throw my head back into the wall, creating dent after dent until there was a head sized hole in the wall. 

My parents had gotten into my room after finding a key and stayed with me on the ground, holding me close as I sobbed into my dad's shoulder. "Why am I such a freak?" I asked my parents.

"BooBear, you're not. I promise. Don't ever call yourself that, you hear me?" My mom said, running her hand through my hair (the only thing that ever soothed me while I was in this state). I nodded and stayed close to my parents. 

Right now, at age 18, I was in my Senior year of high school. I had 6 months till I graduated. I was excited. The six months had passed quickly and I graduated in the top 10% of my class. Although going to College would be nice, I chose not to go and my parents fully understood and supported my decision.

I now get to stay home and hopefully relax. I wanted to try and not hurt myself or throw any kind of tantrum during the summer. "Alright, Tourette. Please don't mess up my summer." I mumbled to myself as I fell asleep that night, wrapped up in my blanket.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This book does mention Tourette's in all chapters, as it is the main subject. I advise that if you DO have Tourette's, read at your own caution. Mentions of the Tic's could trigger you. Please, read carefully.

It hurts—Day 1 

Song: How To Save A Life ~ The Fray

For many years, Louis' been terrified of the thought of being alone. He's been scared of the thought of his parents leaving him for a long period of time. He couldn't handle the silence of the house even just for an hour. The silence kills him and makes him believe he's truly alone and that no one's coming back for him. 

Given the news, just two weeks ago, about his parents going on a four week business trip had him wide eyed, heart beating, and negative thoughts going through his mind. Questions ran through his head and out his mouth asking "why can't I come with you?" or "is something wrong?" or maybe even the sad one "are you leaving me?"

The scared blue eyed boy had never experienced his parents gone for longer than a second. They always had to keep watch on him and he didn't mind. He loved the attention he got from his parents. He loved that he was only child (so he could get more attention of course). But he also hated it as well. Jay, his Mum, and Mark, his Dad, treat him as if he were a baby. Asking him every minute of the day if "he was okay" or if "he needs anything" which he usually doesn't. 

But on days like this, all he needed was a hug and to never let his Mum or Dad go. Tears had already formed in Louis' eyes. He had just woken up and was sitting up in his large bed. The reason for his large bed was because of his Tourettes. 

On sleepless nights, his Tics would get to him. He would be flailing around on his bed, sometimes standing up then falling back down on the soft memory-foam mattress or arching his back and coming down hard, causing his body to bounce a little. They had gotten this bed for him a while back when Louis couldn't sleep. Because of his Tics he would usually fall of Twin sized beds head first and get a concussion, a bruise, or a deep cut that needed stitches or sometimes staples. 

Once this had become more frequent, Mum and Dad decided on getting Louis the biggest bed for him. Though it costed more than they were willing to pay, it kept Louis safe from any more damage to himself and/or his head. 

Louis looked around his room and then the twitching started. His head barely bucked back, looking like he was nodding at someone who waved at them. His hands began to shake and the muscles in his legs tightened up. His head bucks became a little harsh, his neck getting sore and hurting but it didn't stop. Tears came to eyes but he closed them tightly land willed them back, wanting to not cry for once and just take the pain that he's been cursed with for some time now. 

The Tic was fulfilled only minutes later–5 minutes to be exact. Louis sighed, rubbing his neck with his still shaking hand. Throwing off his bed covers, he got up. He leaned himself on his bed, his head spinning making it clear that he got up to fast. Groaning, he stomped to his bathroom and began to get ready for the day. 

The first few years of his Tourettes, his parents had to help him get ready. Dress him, brush his teeth, brush his hair, wash his face, and hold him as he cried when a Tic would come up. That was there routine for quite sometime until Louis had to do it by himself one day. Doing his morning routine became normal to him and the pain in his chest when he didn't have his Mum or Dad to hold him through a Tic slowly faded through time, days, weeks, years. 

Louis brushed his light brown feathery hair, sweeping it to the side. He brushed his teeth, counting his head all the way to 200 like his Mum would do for him. He washed his face, splashing water on every inch of skin he had on his face then dabbing it with a towel to dry him off. 

He looked at himself in the mirror and frowned at his reflection. He was somewhat tan but more pale than he should be. He had dark bags under his eyes, showing that sleeping wasn't easy for him. His cheek bones popped out more than usual and his arms were thin, no muscle was evident on his arms only the prodding bones against his skin. 

Louis hated that he looked like he doesn't take care of himself, because he does yet he still looked like a Skelton and a person who just recently died of anorexia. He eats, he does all the time. Three meals a day, and a snack in between breakfast and lunch, and lunch and dinner. 

He reached behind him and opened the door, turning off the light. He gave one last look at himself in the mirror before turning around and walking out of his bathroom that was connected to his room. He shut the door behind him, hearing the familiar click of the door locking in place with the small hole in the door frame. 

Walking over to his wardrobe, he decided he'd wear something more comfortable. He took out some black sweat pants that were a bit baggy on him and a white t-shirt along with a grey hoodie. Putting on the clothes was not difficult for him, it was one of the most easiest chores on his morning routine. 

Louis took a deep breath and exited his room, walking down the long hallway to get to the living room. His house was two stories. His parents room was upstairs while his was down. They realised that Louis would have trouble getting downstairs if a Tic suddenly would happen. His parents and himself were afraid of Louis falling down 30 steps and potentially causing permanent damage to himself. 

Once he reached the living room, he saw his parents dressed and sitting on the couch. His Mum was on her phone talking into it, occasionally nodding then saying "yes Sir" or humming out a response. His Dad was the first to notice him, smiling at his 18-year-old boy. Louis saw pain in his eyes and he knew it was because of the way he looked. His Dad stood up and walked towards him, his Mum's eyes following his movements confused for a moment until her eyes landed on Louis and she seemed to brighten up. His Dad pulled Louis into a gentle hug, Louis curling into his dad resting his head in the crook of his Dad's neck. His arms went under his dress coat and around his waist as he hugged him, his Dad's single arms wrapping around his neck, but not to tightly, and his free hand on the back of Louis' head, stroking his hair. 

"Good morning, Lou." Mark whispered into his son's hair, pressed a kiss there before pulling away slowly. Louis smiled up at him weakly knowing that just in a few hours his parents would be gone and thousands of miles away from him, away from home. 

"Good morning, Dad." He whispered back tiredly. He looked behind his Dad to his seen his Mum getting off the phone and standing up. She walked over to him, her bare feet padding onto the carpeted floors that were once wood. 

She brought her son into a tight hug, wrapping both her arms around his waist and pulling him close. Louis reacted quickly by wrapping his own arms around her neck and hugging her tightly. "Good morning, BooBear. Did you sleep well?" She mumble against his neck. 

Louis smiled again for the second time that day. He nodded, "Yeah." He whispered weakly. His smile quickly turned into a frown. "I don't want you two to leave." His voice cracked at the end of his sentence. 

His parents cooed sadly, his Mum hugging him tighter and his Dad joining the hug. Louis closed his eyes, leaning into his Dad but kept a tight grip on his Mum. "It's okay, Lou. It's only four weeks. We'll be back quicker than you think." His Dad said, kissing his son's temple. 

"Four weeks is an awful long time." Louis quietly cried to his parents, letting a few unforgettable tears slip down his cheek. 

"I know, baby. I know.." His Mum cooed out, rubbing his back. They soon got out of the hug and walked over to the couch. His Dad sat down first then Louis then his Mum. They all cuddled up into each other, enjoying the crappy morning shows on Channel 143. 

**********

8:45 pm

"Lou? Darling?" He heard his Mum call. Louis had went back to his room just a few minutes ago when his Dad announced that they had to leave in 10 minutes and that the person who was going to watch him would be here any moment. Louis was beyond terrified. What if this person is a murder? Or a rapist? What if he makes fun of him? Or laughs while he cries through a sudden Tic? Louis whimpered and curled up into a ball, his whole body shaking. 

He heard his door knob jiggle then the sound of a key being pushed into a lock. Louis bit his bottom lip trying to keep his sobs silent. He didn't want his parents to leave him with a complete stranger! He was on a roller coaster of emotions and his thoughts were going crazy. Just as the door opened to reveal his Mum one of his Tics wanted to be noticed. 

Louis threw his head back sharply, sobbing as he did so. His Mum gasped and walked towards him, knowing not to be to quick or else she'll scare him more. She wrapped her arms around her, "Sh sh sh sh... It's going to be okay." His Mum whispered, watching the scene of her baby boy in front of her. 

The sight of her son had her in tears. What had Louis down to deserve this? What had anyone done to deserve this? This disorder is killing her son. She always got so worried that maybe if he threw his head back hard enough, that he'd break his neck and potentially die from this Tic. 

Minutes passed by. Louis knew his Mum was late with every passing minute. His Tic had stopped a few seconds ago but his Mum was still holding him. "M-Mum... You have t-to go.." Louis hoarsely told her. His Mum's eyes widened and she nodded, unwrapping her arms from around his fragile body and getting off of his bed. She straightened out her dress shirt and her dress pants. Her heals made a silent click against the tan carpet on his floor and the rug that was in front of his bed. 

"He's here, Lou. His name is Harry. He's twenty years old and a college student. I promise, nothing will happen. He's a dear friends-of-ours son." She said with a smile. Louis wiped away his tears and nodded. He then realised that he didn't give his dad a hug goodbye. 

Small things like this set him off. Something inside of him triggers causing him to jump off his bed and run passed his Mum, not even noticing the stranger in front of the opening in the hallway. Running through the house, he found his dad in front of the doorway. "Dad!" He yelled, running towards him and giving him a hug. Tighter than the one this morning. 

"Uff! Hey, Boo." His Dad chuckled, wrapping his own arms around his son. Louis clenched his eyes shut as he shook. 

"Please don't leave.." Louis whimpered into his Dad's chest. His throat began to burn and tears swelled up in his eyes. He didn't want to cry but it just happens. A few tears slipped down his cheeks. 

"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. We'll be back soon. I promise." His Dad muttered into his son's hair. The stranger that was in front of the hallway watched the fragile boy break. He'd seen this before. A boy or a girl breaking down because their parents are leaving for a few days. It always broke his heart to see such a fragile person break even more. 

The stranger with piercing green eyes looked away, leaning against the wall. He didn't want to intrude on this. 

Louis sniffled the pulled away, his arms and hands shook as he stepped away from his Dad. His head hung low and he chewed on his bottom lip. "Four weeks?" Louis whispered to his dad, looking up at him. 

"Four weeks." His Dad confirmed, pulling back into a short tight hug. 

"I love you, Dad." Louis said against his Dad's shirt. He breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent of his Dad that he knew he was going to miss. 

"I love you too, Boo." 

A few minutes later of short but long goodbyes and more tears shed, Louis' parents left. Louis stared at the door, listening as the car doors opened then shut. He listened to the engine that was being turned on then the tires of the car moving against the gravel of the driveway. 

"Louis? Hi, I'm Harry."


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This book does mention Tourette's in all chapters, as it is the main subject. I advise that if you DO have Tourette's, read at your own caution. Mentions of the Tic's could trigger you. Please, read carefully.

It Hurts–Day 2

Car Radio ~ Twenty One Pilots

Louis didn't talk to Harry. He was a complete stranger, why would he talk to him? He had only spoken to his mum, dad, Niall, and when he was in school an occasional teacher or two. He never felt safe talking to a stranger, scared that he'd get teased and hit because of what he is. Because of what he does. 

Just knowing that Harry, the curly haired stranger, would be staying in his house for as long as his parents were gone, terrified him. There were so many things that Harry could do to Louis in the short amount of time that he'd be staying here. 

Harry could beat Louis, laugh at Louis, call him colourful words, and potentially kill him. Harry could be a murderer for all he knew! Harry was, well is, a stranger. And yeah, he could be over exaggerating, but when he felt unsafe, his mind usually went on a bloody field trip. 

So, with that knowledge that his mind oh-so created of this curly haired stranger he ran to his room and locked himself in. He's stayed in his room up until the next morning. Never once had he left his room. He was scared, terrified even. Curly haired stranger had knocked on his door a few times asking if he was hungry or if he was okay. Every damn hour he would knock, but Louis never answered. 

"Louis? Are you okay?"

"Louis? Are you hungry?"

"Hey, Louis. Um, it's been a while. Are you okay? Do you need to talk?"

The boy's low and gruff voice screamed CHILD RAPIST RUN! He had a slow way in talking which gave Louis chills and the hair on the back of his neck would stand up. He wasn't sure if the chills were a bad or good sense, but either way he was still freaked out that there was a curly Haired STRANGER in his house. He was tempted to call Niall, his best friend of 5 years, and asking him to pick him up, but Niall was most likely at Uni which was hours and miles away.

Louis knew Niall wasn't going to come over to be his Knight In Shining Amour and save him from the Foul Beast named Harry, because Niall loved his school work more than he did his best friend. Although this would seem selfish to some people, Louis totally got it. He wouldn't waste his time talking to someone when he could've doing his homework that would take a long time. 

Anyways, enough about Niall. 

Louis was currently sitting on his bed when suddenly his stomach growled. He realised he hadn't eaten since yesterday's breakfast. He tried to ignore the pain in the pit of his stomach and the nagging voice of his mom and dad telling him to "eat your food and you'll be healthy!" because honestly, he couldn't care less. 

After a few agonising minutes of stomach pain, he sighed in defeat. As long as he didn't run into him he'd be fine.

So with that thought, Louis stood up off of his bed. He took slow small steps to his door and suddenly the smell of breakfast foods filled his senses. His mouth watered and his stomach growled louder. Curly haired stranger can cook? He wondered....

Reaching out for his door knob he froze. He had two options, go outside his room and face the homicidal maniac in his house or wait a few hours then go to get food unnoticed. Although his mind preferred the second choice, his body agreed with the first choice. 

Sighing, Louis slowly opened his door and his senses were hit with the strong smell of bacon, even stronger than when his door was closed. Quietly, as if he were in a horror movie trying to escape his kidnappers home, he walked down the hallway. He got to the entrance of the kitchen and was not-so blessed with the sight of the stranger in an apron, dancing and singing along to some Indie song in his kitchen. 

Louis wanted to back away and go back to his room and hide and go with the second option but as he turned around he heard the voice of the man calling his name. "Hi! Louis." Louis froze. His eyes widened, his mind went haywire. "Hey, are you okay?" The voice seemed louder causing Louis to jump forward in surprise thus triggering a Tic.

Louis tongue clicked the roof of his mouth. He clenched his eyes shut and kept his mouth closed as this happened. He breathes heavily through his nose, preparing himself for the first encounter of Harry's annoyance of his Tic. He was prepared for a "can you please stop that?" And a "um, what're you doing?" He wasn't prepared for this.

"Are you hungry? I made breakfast. I mean, you didn't eat lunch or dinner last night so I just guessed that you may be hungry." He rambled. Louis was so surprised by this that, even though he couldn't talk, he was loss for words. 

He was so use to the beatings that he wasn't use to this from strangers. Niall and his parents were an exeaption because he knew them longer. 

Louis didn't answer for a long while and Harry actually waited till Louis was done. "Would you like something to drink?" Harry asked him. Louis, frozen in shock, back towards the kitchen, still didn't answer. Harry sighed, "I get it. You're still cautious about me. I would be too. But, hey. Trust me. I'm not going to hurt you."

Louis finally turned around, but kept his gaze on the ground and gulped. He was hungry. He wasn't going to deny that. So he took a deep breath and nodded. 

~

Breakfast was silent. 

Unless you counted the silverware occasionally clanking against the glass plates and bowls. Louis was taking small bites of his food, chewing slowly and cautiously. He had to admit, this was pretty good. But his moms cooking was better. 

"So, Louis." And there goes the silence, shattering at their feet. "Did you sleep well?" Louis shrugged. 

Louis didn't sleep last night. The constant feeling of Harry unlocking his door and coming in to kill him in his sleep kept him up all night. He knew he was being overly dramatic, but that's just a thought that goes through everyones head that has a stranger in their house.

"You don't look to well. I'm guessing you didn't sleep much." Harry stated. 

"Then why did you ask me a question that you clearly knew the answer to." Louis answered before his mind could process what he just said. His eyes widened but he kept his head down.

"Touché. I guess I just wanted your saying before I assumed." He said with a deep chuckle. Louis nodded but didn't say another word. 

~

Nothing much happened after breakfast. Louis had went back to room while Harry cleaned up. Louis read a book while Harry studied for Uni. Louis slept peacefully while Harry watched mid-day TV shows which were boring but he didn't have the will to change the channel. 

The day ended with Louis and Harry not seeing each other just like the day before. Harry was disappointed that he wasn't able to hold a full conversation with Louis, but he was happy that he at least got something out of him. 

So that night, Louis and Harry slept in different rooms, different beds, but in the same house.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This book does mention Tourette's in all chapters, as it is the main subject. I advise that if you DO have Tourette's, read at your own caution. Mentions of the Tic's could trigger you. Please, read carefully.

Day 3–It Hurts

Breathe Me ~ Sia

Have you ever felt so helpless and alone? So scared and afraid that you'll get hurt if you get to close? Terrified that even a single word of hatred thrown at you would break you down completely? 

Just a simple insult will bring you down so low that it'll be difficult to get back up and be the same person you were before. Although, simple insults aren't as simple to the person receiving but to the person saying. As a child you could care less if someone called you ugly because you thought you were the most amazing person on the planet. Nothing could bring you down, not even the eight-year-old who would tell you to get off the monkey bars because you were being to slow but in your mind you were going as fast as light.

But now, hearing someone say that your ugly and/or unattractive or just unappealing to the eye hurts a lot more than an arrow and a bullet going through your body at the same time. The saying: 

Sticks and stones   
my break my bones  
But words can't hurt me

Means nothing to Louis. Words can hurt him. Words can break down every fibre of his being and drag him down till he can no longer reach the surface. Words are suffocating and can choke you and can leave you lonely. Words are the only thing that can break or heal a person. 

All that words have ever done for Louis is break him. When his parents told him that they loved him, he would think it was out of pity but he would still say he loved them back because he truly did. He will never not love his parents. They've been there for him and even though he doesn't fully trust them enough, he knows that they're good people and that they would never hurt him on purpose. 

Louis, sat crisscrossed on his bed, took a few short deep breaths in and out in order to calm his busy mind. He wanted to forget everything that was bugging him and just be happy for once. But luck is never on Louis' side. He just had to get stuck with a disorder that he couldn't control or hide. He just had to be hated by everyone because he was different. He just had to be different because for some reason God thought it would be funny to watch him suffer and slowly die a painful death of hurt and pain and suffering from cruel words coming from others mouths. 

His life was a joke. A comedy. And the sad things is, is that he knew his. He knew that every word was meant to be hilarious. He knew that every tug on his heart from hurt would make every Angel above laugh their asses off. He knew that once he died, Heaven would stand and clap at the end of the comedy movie. 

Louis clenched his eyes shut and threaded his fingers in his hair. He tugged harshly, not even feeling the pain. He wanted the internal pain to end. He couldn't take it. Silently, he cried, letting the tears flow and fall off his pale cheeks. "Please, just stop.." He whispered to himself. 

His mind was on overdrive and it was giving him a headache. You're a joke. You're pathetic. Look at you, you're a disabled freak who can't do anything right. Louis shook his head, "N-No..." He mumbled. His whole body shook as he rocked himself back and forth, trying to comfort himself. 

Suddenly, someone knocked on his door and the voices were gone. His mind calmed down and his thoughts were empty. "Louis? Are you good in there?" It was Harry. Should he answer? Would it be a good idea? 

"Y-Yeah. I'm good." Louis replied slowly and hesitantly. His voice was shaky and higher than usual, probably from the cry and the small panic attack he had. 

"Are you sure? If you want to talk about it, I'm here." Harry said slowly and softly. Why was he being so nice? And how could he see straight through his lie? 

"I'm sure." Louis said quickly then laid down in his bed, curling up into a ball under his covers. It was currently 1:00pm and he hasn't left his room ever since breakfast. Breakfast this morning was the same as yesterday expect there wasn't a two-sided conversation, just a one-sided. He wouldn't answer Harry's questions as he ate slowly. And if he did he would stutter and stumble over his words because socialising wasn't his thing. 

"Okay.. Well, if you want to, I can make us some lunch here in a bit." He offered but Louis was still so full from almost 5 hours ago. "And we can watch a movie? I'll let you pick–"

"I'm good, Harry." Louis said as he cuddled into his blankets and closed his eyes. He heard a sigh of defeat come from the other side of the door. He almost felt bad but he didn't. 

"Okay. If you change your mind, you know where I am." Harry said and soon footsteps were heard, retreating from his door. Louis opened his eyes and looked around his room. He wasn't hungry. He did want to watch a movie but not with Harry. 

The blue eyed boy wanted his parents and Niall back. He wanted to cuddle with his parents as they watched a Disney film of Louis' choice. He wanted to have popcorn fights with Niall and feel normal. The fact that he had a babysitter didn't help his case. 

How can a grown boy feel normal if he had a babysitter? He wasn't a baby. But he is disabled so if anything were to happen, Harry would be there to help him through it. 

Louis closed his eyes again, his thoughts from earlier returning. He fell asleep with a negative mind and to say that the dream he had scared the living shit out of him, would be understatement. It nearly killed him. 

"Happiness is a journey.. Not a destination." ~ Ben Sweetland


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This book does mention Tourette's in all chapters, as it is the main subject. I advise that if you DO have Tourette's, read at your own caution. Mentions of the Tic's could trigger you. Please, read carefully.

Day 4 – It Hurts

Ghosts ~ BANNERS

 

I hear voices

Louis sat in the living room, on the couch with a pillow held tightly to his chest. It's extremely early, him having woken up at 5:30 because of a storm. He could sleep so he figured he'd sit in the living room. The storm kept on, him jumping every time lightening would light up the house in a flash second or when thunder boomed loudly or rolled across the sky, making the house shake in its wake. 

Awoken from my sleep

Louis was surprised that Harry hadn't came out of room, yawning because of the loud of booms of thunder. Or maybe that was just his heart beating. He hated thunder storms. They've always scared him. There was a reason why they scared him he just never liked telling anyone. 

I'm haunted by the thoughts that creep.

The storm hadn't stopped even when it was daylight. The sky was still dark and grey, the house shaking from the rolling thunder and the lighting up just a bit from the streaks of lightening. Louis closed his eyes tightly. Usually his parents would stay with him when they knew storms like this would happen. They would tell him that everything would be okay but in Louis' mind, nothing would be okay. 

If the earthquakes stop, buildings fall.

Louis yelped and jumped as a loud and long boom of thunder was heard, shaking anything in the house including Louis. He curled up tighter into himself, tears forming in his closed eyes. "M-Mummy... D-Daddy..." He whimpered. He felt so pathetic as he whined for his parents to come to him. He was a grown man who was scared of the thunder and begging for his parents to come home so they could stay with him.

I'm pulling pictures off from our walls till you. 

Somebody had heard his small cry for help because they next thing he knew it, arms were wrapped around his small figure. As thunder boomed, Louis jumped and hid his face into the boys chest. He was his only source of comfort at the moment. He shook as small cries left his mouth.

Say here, here I am.

"Shh. It's okay." Louis heard the younger boy whisper to him as he held him. He stayed close to him, hiding his face into the curly haired strangers neck. He shook with cries and his hands held onto Harry's shirt for dear life. He hated how he was letting Harry see this side of him.

Oh and here, here I am. Oh oh. 

Louis hated every passing minute. He knew he had to focus on his breathing and Harry's low, raspy voice in order to calm down. He was breaking down and letting Harry see this side of him. It'll give him more reason to laugh at him and tease him. "It's just a storm! Why are you crying?"

All the ghosts they float.   
Float around us.  
Now they turned all our dreams into dust  
We saved your mother  
But darling there was no spark, left for us  
We won the battle but lost the heart  
But now I know that here, here I am  
Oh and here, here I am

"It's okay Louis. I've got you. Just close your eyes and focus on me." Harry whispered calmly. He rubbed Louis' back and just waited for his crying to calm down. He softly hummed a tune that's been stuck in his head 

"Oh, hard to believe  
It's said and done, hard to believe  
It's not dead and gone  
I want to believe  
All is well that ends well, but I just can't  
Convince myself

Can't touch the stars, or make them shine  
Fight the tide, until the day we die  
Can't touch the stars, can't make them shine  
But you know I'll try  
Can't touch the stars, or make them shine  
Fight the tide, until the day we die  
Cant touch the stars, can't make them shine  
But you know I'll try  
For you I'll try." 

Louis heard every word, only drifting off at the last four words which would've broken him. He slept in Harry's arms. Harry smiling down at the shorter boy, finally able to get a good look of him. 

Harry's breath was taken away. Pale skin, that had a slightly tent of tan in it, cheek bone that made him just want to lift his arm and trace over them to his jaw line and down to his collar bones. He looked thin. Harry knows he hadn't eaten in a while. 

He sighed. "Oh Louis. If only you wouldn't see me as someone who would hurt you." He whispered, biting his bottom lip. He laid his head back and closed his eyes. Listening to the rain hit the roof and the windows. He listened to ever roll of thunder, until his mind went blanket and his hearing stopped. He was in a whole different world. A dreamland. 

2 Hours Later

Louis woke up, opening his eyes softly. He stiffened and quickly shot up when he realised he wasn't in his bed but laying in someone's arms. He looked down at them and he almost relaxed when seeing it was Harry. 

Harry looked peaceful as he still slept. Louis didn't want to wake him, so he quietly and quickly got up and walked to his room. He shut the door behind him and locked it. Louis sighed as he leaned against his door and slid down it, sitting on the ground with his legs pressed against his chest. 

"For you I'll try"

Louis sighed once more and leaned his head back. His throat began to close up and sting. His eyes watered and tears slowly ran down his cheeks with both being sad and overwhelmed. 

"Don't lie to me, curly haired stranger.... Please don't lie to me."


End file.
